To Remember You By
by AliceGoBoom
Summary: Siha, I write this with a heavy hand, knowing you will read this letter when I am no longer able to share my thoughts.


It was a cool morning. Still a bit dark out but you could make out the soft outline of the sun just over the horizon as it began to rise. From anyone's perspective it would seem like the perfect morning. Millions would wake up in a few moments and start another day.

A few others however had not even gone to sleep yet. These few had been up all night with heavy hearts. These few would not see this sunrise as a beautiful omen of the good day to come, but instead as a mockery of a life lost.

Thane Krios was dead.

Kolyat stood in his small apartment on the Citadel with Commander Shepard, not even saying a word. He wished he could reassure her some how but what was he supposed to say? Words would not make a difference. Not now. The man she loved was dead. "He left you something. . ." Kolyat finally said.

The commander glanced in his direction, her expression unreadable, though her eyes seemed empty. Kolyat went to his desk and picked up a data pad from the drawer. He handed it to her. "He told me not to give it to you until he. . ." he paused, "He even made Liara keep it out of her files so you wouldn't accidentally find it."

Shepard frowned and stared at the beginning words on the data pad.

_Siha _it began. A letter. He left her a letter.

_Siha, _

_I write this with a heavy hand, knowing you will read this letter when I am no longer able to share my thoughts. _

Shepard's hands clenched around the data pad, her knuckles turning white. She scanned over the letter quickly, the words barely registering through her mind. He spoke about his refusal to be confined to a bed when they told him of his disease. About Irikah, about Kolyat. _You awoke me, Shepard, _he wrote. She bit her lip as she read through the last paragraph.

_I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost. _

_I will await you across the sea._

_Thane _

Kolyat watched as Shepard's hands began to shake. He took a step towards her in worry.

Shepard's vision got blurry. She felt her blood run cold. She knew he would leave some day, she knew it would be hard and she told herself it would be okay in the end. That's what she said, it would all end up alright. These reassurances she gave herself . . .they were vague, and also lies. Everything wasn't going to be alright. Dammit, how could he just die like that! She loved him! Now she would never see him again.

She felt Kolyat put a gentle hand on her shoulder. She took hold of it and squeezed tightly. He had loved him too.

She wondered if he was there now, across the sea. Was Irikah with him? She hoped he felt better there. She hoped he was happy now and well again.

In his letter he had hoped that time would dim the hurt of his passing and instead leave faded recollections that any drell would remember with perfect clarity. But she would always feel this pain in her chest. She would remember Thane and the hole in her heart would open again and again.

She had lost him. The only man who could calm her spirits down when everything seemed like it was going to shit. The only man who could reassure her and leave absolutely no doubt in her mind that everything would work out.

She wanted things to work out _now_. She needed to hear his voice, telling her everything would be alight again. When Thane said everything was okay she knew it was. His calm and cool intellect always kept her temper and frustration from getting out of control.

Now she had no one to turn to.

She was tired.

Tired and angry and just an absolute mess. Right now, she didn't care about the reapers, or Cerberus. The council could go to shit for all she cared; hell the whole galaxy could just kiss her ass.

Shepard released her hold on Kolyat's hand, letting her arm fall back to her side. For a moment they just stood there. Then the commander turned and gave him almost a bone crushing hug. Kolyat tensed in the embrace but eventually returned it. Her body shook in his arms and he tightened his grip, tears threatening to fall from his own eyes.

Few people get to see this side of Shepard, Kolyat thought. So vulnerable and scared. He wondered if his father had seen this part of her often.

Later she left the apartment, holding the data pad close at her side. She walked back to the landing docks in silence. Her shoes barely made any sounds against the cold ground.

When she entered the Normandy she was surprised to see that absolutely no one was one the observation deck. Not even Joker, who hardly left the helm.

But instead of over thinking this like she did everything, she ignored it and walked into the elevator. She didn't mind the quiet. She probably needed it at this point. She pressed the last button: the captain's quarters.

One the way up however, the elevator stopped on the second floor. She frowned and pressed the button again but it wouldn't budge. Then the doors hissed open.

Few people get to see a vulnerable Shepard, let alone a surprised one. But then again Wrex had always been good at startling her.

And there he stood, right in front of her. Urdnot Wrex almost smirked at her small jump when the doors opened to reveal his looming form. "Shepard." His deep voice rumbled as he inclined his head towards her in greeting.

"W-Wrex." Few people got to hear Shepard stutter her words too. What was he doing here in the first place? He couldn't afford to be off his planet for very long. He was a clan leader now. But before she could get any questioning out Wrex jerked his head, motioning her to follow him around the elevator. She watched his form disappear around the corner. She followed, mostly out of curiosity. Also, she was too tired to argue.

The first person she saw was Garrus. He was hard to miss with his big blue uniform. Next to him was Tali and Joker was sitting down at the table in front of both of them. It looked like they had just been talking. But the conversations stopped when she appeared. Wrex leaned on the table, causing it to tip a bit in his direction.

No on said anything.

Then Tali rushed to her and wrapped her in one of her tightest embraces.

She was surprised at first. Her eyes darting to each one of them. The ones who had been with her from the beginning. The ones who had already seen the other side of her. The ones she could look to for advice. The ones who could keep her from becoming an absolute mess. The ones who would follow her into hell and back.

The ones who were there for her when she needed them most.

Commander Shepard, Captain of the Normandy, the first human spectre, savior of the citadel, cried twice that day.

* * *

><p><strong>A MOMENT OF YOUR TIME: <strong>So I wanted this to originally end really sadly but I just couldn't do it. I HATE SAD ENDINGS! They are un-amarican. This was titled To Remember You By because I was listening to Boats and Birds by Gregory and the Hawk. A very sad song. ALSO! Did anyone else just burst in to sobs when they read that letter from Thane? I swear, it just broke my heart. If Bioware doesn't make a cure for him in the third one I swear I will send my own angry letter and give them a piece of my mind.

DID YOU LIKE IT? WANNA REVIEW? ;D


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